How to Be Happier – Have You Seen This?

Saw this yesterday and thought it was pretty awesome.  What do you think?

One of the Greatest Contributing Factors of Happiness

 

Prove Them Wrong

I apologize for my absence in recent weeks.  Suffice to say, I’m back!

Right now I find myself needing to work on my outlook.  Specifically, allowing other people’s view of me and my abilities to influence what I think I am capable of.  I think we all have these people in our lives – parents, friends, spouses, coworkers, who knows – who s**t on our ideas and dreams because a- the don’t believe in us, b-they are scared of us acting beyond their limited view of what we can accomplish, or a combination of the two.  And, yes, it’s usually those closest to us who will – knowingly or not – tear us down in these ways; if it was just some Joe-Schmoe on the street, we wouldn’t really care.  And that’s the problem – they very people we are supposed to be able to depend on for support and strength can often be the ones that beat us into the ground and keep us stuck in our stagnation.

There’s two things we can do with the negativity we get from these individuals – either we let it cow us into thinking they’re right, we’re not good enough, we’re delusional, and any other number of awful and crippling things, OR we can take that pain they cause us and use it to fuel those very dreams and desires they just trampled.  The second option comes easy to some people; they go into this mode almost automatically.  For me, and lots of other people, it’s hard to pick up our ideas and dust them off and make them even more beautiful.  So this is what I’m doing.

I am committing myself to taking at least two small but measurable steps toward my goals everyday.

When someone criticizes or derides me for my goals, I will point out that I am taking steps towards a better life and am putting forth the effort to create change.

I will see their negativity as a reflection only of themselves, and not of me.

I am so outraged at how certain individuals undervalue me, my abilities, and my goals.  I am sick of letting them immobilize me and this is what I am going to do about it.  It is time for action, and the satisfaction I will gain in proving them wrong.

What goals or dreams have people trampled on of yours?  How did you respond?  How will you prove them wrong?

Don’t Give Up, Redirect

English: Pictogram for redirect. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have a confession to make.  I just “quit” a 30-day challenge that I had started.  One of the areas I’ve been trying to work on for myself is follow-through and general project completion.  And part of me feels like I *should* feel bad, guilty, for discontinuing (I’ll get into “should” in another post).  But this time, I’m not.  Or I don’t.  I am making a LOT of changes in my life, and with this challenge in particular, I not altogether “quitting” but changing my focus.  The change in focus however doesn’t make the work compatible with this particular challenge.  But I am still aiming for positive change.

What I’ve taken away from this is if we find ourselves slacking on our goals, or turning away from them in any way, to start with, it’s good to look at why.  Are you less than satisfied with the results you are seeing now, or those you expect as you get closer?  Are you rethinking the goal itself or just your current path towards it?   What can you do differently to pursue this goal?  Take ten or fifteen minutes to sit down and write out what exactly is going through your mind.

-Do you still want to pursue the original goal? If not, why?

-Has the goal changed?  What is different?  What is the same?  How do you account for these changes?

-What actions were you taking?  Why weren’t they working for you?

-List at least five other options for reaching the clarified goal.  Which paths are most attractive to you?  Which do you think will be most effective?

Now put those new actions into practice.  Take the new direction you’ve found, and, as necessary, reevaluate.

What Did You Do Today to Improve Your Life?

Everyday, you should try to do something, however small, to make your life better, easier, more fulfilling.  It’s hard to get out of stasis and habit and feeling stuck in your routine, or lack of routine.  But if we want to be happier with our lives, and with ourselves, then we need to make changes.  And all it has to be is a small thing.  Today we finished cleaning up the house, round one, because there is of course always “more” to be done, but we got it to a point where I feel more relaxed and peaceful and generally pretty stinkin’ happy.  And that’s kind of a bigger thing than you have to do.  Last week I cleaned out my curio cabinet one day, and that was my small step, my “good deed.”  I wanted to do more but physically that was almost more than I could do anyway.  And it was *something.*  However small, as long as you’ve done something, that’s huge.  And over time, all those small things add up and can get you just about anywhere.

There’s always something we can change, some small thing we can do to make our situations better, even if it’s only “superficial.”  What areas of life are bothering you?  What are you unsatisfied with?  Write down a few things, and then, for each item, write down maybe five things you can do to ease the stress of that.  Is your house a mess?  Clean one desk, dresser or cabinet.  Are you not making enough money to pay all your bills?  Spend fifteen minutes or so looking at jobs you qualify for with better pay, or something part time to bring in extra cash.  Just see what there is.

Still need some ideas?  Here’s a few:
-Pick up a book from the library about a subject you’re curious about.  Start reading it.
-Practice your favorite hobby, or look into something new.
-Cook or bake something.
-Write down what it is you are unhappy with, and how you’d like things to be different.  Save this.
-Clean something.
-Stretch!
-Make a list of your strengths and/or talents.

Here are a few other places to give you ideas if you are having a hard time coming up with something:

Related articles

• How to Bring Quality into Your Life by Making Small Changes (encinotherapist.wordpress.com)
• The Easiest Ways to Fix Your Health Today (stress.answers.com)
• 10 Small Ways You Can Improve Your Life (psychcentral.com)

When – or Why – It’s Okay to Cry

I was going to include crying as a coping method and stress-reducer in another post, but I feel like it needs its own space.  It may still pop up somewhere else.

Crying is a more or less basic function, with a lot of stigma attached.  It makes people uncomfortable – often both the person doing the crying and any individuals who happen to witness it.  It’s letting go and allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable, for whatever reasons you have, in whatever moment you’re in.  There was a commercial a few years ago, I don’t recall what it was for, but it was a montage of people in tears while someone sang “Crying gets the sad out of you…” It was completely tongue-in-cheek, and silly, and still true.  When we cry, all those excess emotional chemicals moving along our brain-tracks are actually expelled in our tears.  If we hold all that shit in, it just builds up inside us and does more hurt than letting those walls down for a few minutes, even if it’s just us in the bathroom, could ever do.  It’s our ability to express emotions, and free ourselves from being overwhelmed.

So, when is it “okay” to cry, besides whenever we feel the urge?

-When you’re so frustrated with your situation that you can’t see to the next possibility anymore.
Life keeps throwing you curve balls.  Work, relationships, illness, and anything else is a disaster, sometimes all at once.  No matter how much you try to move forward, or make changes, or anything, you just hit wall after wall after wall.  You can’t even fathom that tomorrow might be better, or that there are other avenues or options you haven’t thought of yet.  Cry.  Get it out.  And then come back to it another time.  Don’t let it cripple you, because holding it in or “sucking it up” can just aggravate the issue(s) and make it worse.

–Whenever you’re suffering.
Physical or emotional pain is awful; if you suffer from chronic pain, or depression, or for whatever life has given you lemons and right now you just can’t make flippin’ lemonade, sometimes it will be so bad that you can’t *help* but cry.  It leaks out.  And you need to let it.

–When something amazing has happened.
Crying isn’t always about sadness and misery.  It’s a natural reaction whenever you have too much of just about *any* emotion.  Sometimes, people will do something unbelievable for you.  You might experience something beautiful and awe-inspiring, perhaps something life-changing.  It will be overwhelming.  Let it out; appreciate it, and allow yourself to be vulnerable because of that wonder.

Tips on Crying

That being said, you don’t want to burst into tears in the middle of the office. If you can, hold it until you can step away from people who you know will not be sympathetic, and let go when you have a bit of privacy.

That’s not to say you should *never* cry in front of others.  If you are with supportive people who will comfort and encourage you, who really are there to help, then sometimes it’s great to be able to share those deep emotions with another person, someone you can trust that much.

 

So go have yourself a good cry.  Joy, misery, laughter – let it out and set yourself free.

Internal Alchemy: The Process of Transformation

As I said, alchemy is all about transformation; starting with one substance and changing it.  Or, sort of.  The base lead already contains within it gold.  Each individual, you yourself, already contain divine light, inner and higher guidance, everything you hope to be and more than you can imagine.  The lead of your present self already contains the purified gold of your personal ideal.  What you need to do is get through all the build-up and base material to the pure form within.  This is where the alchemical process comes in.  At its simplest, the alchemical process can be broken down to just two aspects: Separation, and Coagulation, as in the maxim “Solve et Coagula,” which we could also read as “Separate, and Join Together.”

There are, more commonly, and more deeply, seven steps in the alchemical process, and I will offer a brief outline of them now.  Comment or contact me and let me know which path you would like to focus on, the two-step process, or the seven-step one.  Either way, the change you create for yourself will be deep and worthwhile.

1. Calcination – Calcination is the process of heating a substance until it is reduced to ash.  For us, this is several things; destruction of the ego, attachment to material possessions, and the humbling that occurs from the tests of life and self-evaluation.  This is where we begin; either we have been kicked down to this point by life or have willingly undertaken the task of looking honestly and completely at ourselves and all we are.  This stage is represented by the highly corrosive sulfuric acid and the base of the spine.

2. Dissolution – Next we dissolve the ashes from the process of calcination in water.  Dissolution represents immersing ourselves within our non-rational, rejected, unconscious minds.  Water represents emotion, and this is where we are submerged deep inside of this part of ourselves.  Here we allow all those things we’ve held in and held back to flow to the surface, to make use of them.  Let creativity shine forth without the baggage of expectations, prejudices, or negative self-talk getting in the way.  This stage is represented by iron oxide (rust), which demonstrates the corrosive properties of water, and the pelvis.

3. Separation – Now we begin to filter the solution and remove any unworthy and unneeded elements.  Here we examine those parts of ourselves we have hidden, much of which had been discovered in Dissolution, and see what is beneficial and integral to our well-being, and what is hurtful, extraneous, or unnecessary.  This stage is represented by sodium carbonate, which separates out of water.  It takes place in the navel, the seat of new life and birth.

4. Conjunction – Now we take the worthy  material from filtration and create a new substance from it.  We can now start to empower our true selves, since we have determined just what that means for us.  We know ourselves much more deeply now, and now it is time to grow and develop that.  This stage is represented by salt, or what alchemists called Natron, and occurs in our hearts.

5. Fermentation – The new self we have realized now must be allowed to putrefy, to die and be reborn, to create a still higher form.  This is where we receive and integrate inspiration, energizing and (re)animating us.  We have found our True Selves, and now we receive validation and clarity from a Higher Source.  We can achieve this in a variety of ways, although at Spin Your Own Fate we will focus on meditative-style practices.  This stage is represented by a compound called Liquor Hepatis, and takes place in the throat.

6. Distillation – This is the boiling and condensation of the fermented substance, to achieve even greater levels of purity.  In Distillation we use the internal strength and higher guidance we have received and amplify those things to further align ourselves with our highest goals and ideals.  This is where we reach towards all of our greatest unrealized potential; all that we could hope to be, and more.  This stage is represented by a compound called Black Pulvis Solaris, and occurs in the Third Eye area.

7. Coagulation – This is the sublimation, or transformation into a concrete purified form, of our distilled Selves.  Here, with all the Work we have done, we experience a new level of confidence and self-assurance.  Often this is experienced as being illuminated by a permanent body of light to which we have now connected, which contains and reinforces our evolution and highest potentials.  It is reuniting this Higher Awareness with our daily self for maximum efficacy.  We can now fully apply the internal changes we have made to live the life we want, and are meant for.  This final stage is represented by Red Pulvis Solaris, which alchemists believed could instantly purify any substance it came into contact with.  Coagulation occurs at the Crown, which is the top of the head.

Why Do We Suffer?

Today was an awful day for me physically.  My pain has been unbearable, and it’s been hard emotionally as a result.  People wonder “Why do you suffer so bad?  It’s a terrible load to have to bear.”  I know others who suffer physical or emotional too wonder: “Why me?  Why is this happening? It isn’t fair.”  I used to.  But in recent years I’ve come to a few different perspectives and understandings about why, and for the most part it’s pretty simple, if a bit esoteric.

We are living this existence for a unique experience of life on this planet.  We are here to feel and learn.  We are here to grow.  Without the experience of suffering, of pain and anguish and discomfort, there is no impetus for us to grow or change.  We cannot grow stronger from a place of comfort or complacency.  Our characters will not be tested and transformed without adversity.  Hardship and adversity are essential to life; otherwise we live in a vacuum of no experience, and have no chance for growth.  To become better people, to be worthy of the lives we live, we must ache and hurt and then endure and continue.

To experience suffering of any variety sucks, horribly, but at its core pain is a blessing.  It is a chance to sometimes literally fight for our lives and prove ourselves.  It is the validation of our incarnation, an opportunity to use all our resources to persevere and overcome.  It is sometimes the only factor that can move us forward. It is part of our experience of life, and that alone is of unbelievable value.

Internal Alchemy, Part 1: A Brief Intro

 

Alchemy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The occult science of alchemy has existed for millenia, with practitioners searching for ways to turn base metals (usually but not always lead) into gold, or trying to discover a panacea.  However, for quite some time, there have been those who’ve argued that the nature of alchemy is not literal, but rather symbolic and spiritual.  Thus, the actual goal of alchemical work is to refine and transform your self into the person you are meant to be.  This series is going to explore a few of the basic alchemical principles and processes and how to use them to create real change within yourself.  You will notice that a lot of the ideas we explore are very much in line with modern psychology and may actually seem quite familiar to you.  Even if they don’t, I will explain them as simply as possible so you can relate them to your own journey and apply them to create your own change.

Living Through Chronic Pain

It’s been estimated that 100 million Americans suffer from some form of chronic pain. This can be a result of injuries or a vast array of diseases and illnesses.  Personally I have lived with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis my whole life (I was diagnosed at two years old), and, more recently, fibromyalgia has joined the mix.  Some days it is hard to walk, stand, or even sit comfortably.  Some days it’s almost impossible to get out of bed.  When you suffer from chronic pain, it becomes important to take life day by day, and not criticize yourself because of physical limitations.  If you’ve been physically capably for years, and suddenly find yourself with limited mobility due to pain, it can be hard to let go of the lifestyle and activities you are used to.  Likewise, if you’ve lived all your life with pain, it can be easy to fall into the trap of dwelling on all the activities you don’t have the chance to take part in.  It’s hard, I’ve been there.  In elementary school I wanted to play soccer and do gymnastics and I’m sure a handful of other things.  But I couldn’t.  I became an obsessive bookworm and writer instead.  Are there still things I want to do that I can’t?  Sure.  But after twenty-five years of dealing with limitations and learning to adapt, I can find hobbies that are compatible with mobility, or try to adapt physical activities to something I am capable of.

Here are a few tips and activities to help cope with your pain and limitations, and thus allow you to keep living a full and worthwhile life.

1. Meditation and breathing exercises
-Meditation allows you to set aside time to break away from the day, relax, and still your mind.  There are many forms and uses of meditation, so I will just touch briefly on a few.  You can use meditation to clear your mind and just sit in a state of peace, escaping from the stresses of your day.  You can focus on an affirmation or mantra and internalize it more deeply.  There are guided meditations for a range of goals and purposes.  The basics of most meditations starts with finding a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down, with as good a posture as you can manage.  Close your eyes, and take slow, deliberate breaths.  There are many breathing techniques and patterns that you can try, but if you’re just starting out, deep and focused breathing is a great start.  Let go of all your aches and pains, all your stresses and worries from the day.  If it’s too hard to “let go” of your pain, just allow yourself to accept it for now.  It is, but more importantly, in this moment, you are.  Just allow yourself to be.  Even ten minutes each day can help bring you more peace and acceptance.

2. Posture
-This one is simple, but can be hard.  Keeping your head high and your back tall and straight will help take extra pressure off of your body but also help you feel more confident and positive.  Throughout your day, remind yourself to check on your posture, and try and straighten up when you become aware of being slouched or hunched.  A straighter spine will definitely help to alleviate – and likely prevent – a good deal of pain.

3. Drink water
-Water is, as everyone knows, essential for life.  Dehydration can increase pain, and switching soda and other manufactured beverages with a glass of water is great for overal health.  It helps flush out toxins and purify your system.  Drink some aqua.

4. Talk about it
-Nobody wants to complain, but it can be great help to find a therapist to sit down with on a regular basis and talk about your pain, and your frustrations.  This gives you another, often more sympathetic professional aside from your doctor, who you can talk to and who will be able to offer you suggestions and guidance.

5. Engage in hobbies
-You may not be able to go snowboarding or mountain-climbing or fire-dancing, but there are so many activities that you can participate in.  Most people I know who suffer from chronic pain are already avid readers, like myself.  A lot of people enjoy crocheting or knitting, unless your hands are affected badly by arthritis.  Spinning fiber into yarn on a drop spindle is one of my favorite hobbies; simple, pleasurable, and meditative.  You can try your hand at painting, or drawing.  As for physical activities, Tai Chi is a series of gentle movements that almost anyone can do, and yoga can easily be modified to fit your own abilities.

Some of these things I will be exploring in greater detail in future posts, and as I come across more helpful ideas I will share them, too.  For now, if you aren’t already, try one or two things on the list and stop letting your pain be in control.

Easy Affirmations – Creating Positive Self-Talk and Self-Image

As some who has continuously fought depression and negative self-image, I know how extremely hard it can be to change your thinking for the better.  I’m sure you’ve heard it said that changing your mind (or thoughts) can change your mood.  It’s true, but it can be hard as hell, especially when you’ve had a head full of negative thoughts for years.  One “easy” way to start changing your perception of yourself is by using positive affirmations.  Easy is in quotes because I know from personal experience how hard it is to make positive statements about oneself.  But, the important thing here is that it works.

Start by sitting comfortably and taking slow, deep breaths to relax and break away from whatever might be happening in your life.  Some people recommend looking into a mirror but for now that’s optional.  It will certainly help more, since you will be looking yourself in the eye as you make the statements, but it can add more pressure and anxiety, and here we want to take things slow and not necessarily overwhelm.  So, sit up as tall as you can, head held high, and breathe.  Picture a favorite place, a beautiful scene, or a person, creature, or Higher Power that makes you feel safe and comfortable.  Choose at least two or three of the affirmations below; I have tried to use ones that can be applied to someone with a range of limitations, whether it be low self-esteem, depression, chronic pain, illness, or otherwise.

-I am as I should be.

-I am growing stronger everyday.

-I am doing my best.

-I possess infinite potential.

-I acknowledge my own self-worth.

-I am confident in myself and my decisions.

-I accept and am at peace with what has happened, is happening, and may happen.

-I control my own fate, and my own happiness.

-I radiate health, beauty, and strength.

-I let go of negative thoughts about myself.

-I am more than my limitations.

Try to make your affirmations everyday.  Repetition is what caused your negative outlook, and it will create positive change for you now.

If you have any other affirmations you use or have found strength from, let us know!